The Renegade Angels
by FatalisXVeritas
Summary: In a world so full of evil, so full of sin, can the saints of Boston possibly keep up their ways of God?
1. The Night Off

**Disclaimer:** Never happened...never will, I don't own anything or anyone...and all that fun jazz

**The Renegade Saints**

**Chapter 1: The Unexpected Visitor**

It was a quiet night for us, the first we'd had in a while. Connor was asleep on the couch, he'd passed out after his drunken display. Murphy was still gulping down whiskey like it was water, stopping every now and then to light up a cigarette. And I was sitting there, uneasily, not quite sure what to do since I'd been dealing death and judgment for a few months now. I sighed as I looked around their small 3-bedroom apartment. It was a mess; old pizza boxes and empty Chinese containers lay strewn about. Empty whiskey bottles covered most of our small dining table from nights spent trying to drown ourselves in alcohol. Murphy set down his now empty bottle with a clink, eyeing my own half full one.

"You keep your hands off of it. This one's mine." I told him, pulling it closer to me.

"Oh c'mon Aid! Jus' a bit? C'mon! I jus want a sip!" He pleaded, his blue eyes boring into my green ones.

"Bullshit! I know your "sip" I'll have none left!" I argued. I'd known these boys my whole life. When my parents died, I was sent to live with my aunt, who lived next to Mrs. McManus, they were best friends, and so, naturally Murphy, Connor and I became best friends as well. The boys were exactly 2 days older than me. I'd known them for almost 28 years. A lot of things had changed in those years, when we turned 18 we set out to America, like we'd always planned. We'd been to America before, but never stayed more than a week. We moved to South Boston, into a mostly Irish neighborhood. That was years ago. I noticed Murphy rub a fading bruise on his arm from a drunken fight he'd had with Connor. We fought a lot, being Irish, Murphy and Connor fighting with fists flying, never drawing blood; just leaving bruises. But it was different when I fought with one of the boys; they never raised a hand to me. They'd shove me, and I'd hit them, but they've never raised a hand, ever.

"I can't do this night off shit. It's just not gunna fuckin work, man. I'm bored to tears!" I said. Connor sat up on the couch, opening his mouth to say something smart, but before he could, the doorknob started to rattle slowly. Before I even had my gun in my hand, Murphy and Connor were standing in front of me, guns drawn, their breath coming quickly. There was a knock at the door. Connor and Murphy stood solidly.

"Oh for Christ's fucking sake, I'll get it then." I said, pushing my way through them. I peered through the peek hole, and found no one.


	2. A Stranger in the Night

**The Renegade Saints**

**Chapter 2: A stranger in the night.**

"Well who's it then?" Connor asked me impatiently.

"There's no one there."

"What? Y'sure?" Murphy asked with a slight disappointment in his voice.

"D'ya want to check?" I asked him, turning around to look at them.

"Aideen, get away from the door." Connor ordered as he crept up behind me. I stepped back behind Murph, my gun still tightly gripped in my hand. Connor slowly opened the door; carefully sticking his head out he peered down the hallway. I saw him pull a piece of paper off the door. He looked at us as he shut the door.

"Y'guna tell us what it says? Or do we have to guess?" Murphy asked.

"It just says Their Coming" A panic gripped me for some reason.

"Who? Who's coming? When? Now? Tonight?" I tried so hard to mask the fear in my voice.

"I dunno, but I think we need to leave. Start packing." Connor said grimly as we headed toward the bedroom we shared. Soon we were hurriedly walking the streets, our heads down, like we were trying to blend in with the black night. We came upon a small motel and checked in. The bedroom was tiny; a queen-sized bed took up most of the space. A small TV and a table hardly gave a walk way to the cramped bathroom. We sat in silence. Each of us trying to rack our brains and figure out the who's, what's and how's of this evening's event. Murph was cleaning his various collection of weapons and Connor was absentmindedly toying with the rosary around his neck.

"Do you think we'll ever make it back to Ireland?" Connor asked as I curled up his chest, letting my eyes fall as I listened to his heart beat me it's own lullaby. I heard them talking as I fell asleep, but my brain couldn't comprehend what they were saying.

When I woke up, the room was black. Small rays of light shone through the blinds, casting shadows onto the ceiling. The clock on the table read 2:37. Connor was wrapped around me and Murphy was on the other side of me, snoring softly. I untangled myself from them, walking into the bathroom to pee. I heard something clink, but I brushed it off, assuming it was just the boys. I opened the door to come face to face with the barrel of a gun. My body froze and my mind went blank. A man pushed his way into the bathroom, shoving me against the wall. His eyes were the only visible thing. He came closer and whispered.

"Scream and Die" I could feel his breath, hot and disgusting on my neck. I fought hard to keep him off of me, but he proved stronger than I imagined. He kissed my neck and my check, his hands trying to rip off my spaghetti strap. Tears flooded my face as I desperately begged him to stop, praying to God Connor or Murphy heard. I freed my hand from where he'd had them pinned up against the wall, and I tried to punch him. He grabbed my hair and bashed my forehead against the wall. I could feel the blood, thick and warm as it trickled down the side of my face. Shivers escaped me as he touched my bare back. I fought with all my strength to make him stop, to get him away. He stopped suddenly as I heard the click of a gun. Murphy and Connor emerged from the shadows, a burning fire in their eyes.

"Get the fuck off'er" Murphy growled dangerously.

"We should kill you where you stand, but why waste our time." Connor added. All three of them left and I sunk to the ground, sobbing and shaking, unable to even think. Murphy and Connor rushed back in.

"Aid! Aideen! Look 'it me. Did he do anything? Did you do anything?" Murphy asked my panicked as he wrapped a blanket around me. I shook my head no. The tears burned as they fell.

"Motherfucker! I should go blow his fucking brains out!" Connor said.

"I-I tried to get him off….I tried s-so hard to make him go away….I tried…" I told them in between sobs. They helped me up.

"It's okay, love, he's gone now. He's not coming back. We promise. Just lay down and get some sleep, we'll stay up all night. I promise." Murphy whispered soothingly as I put my head on his chest. Connor looked as if he was about to cry from the chair at the end of the bed. As I fell asleep, I listened to them talk.

"We're lucky we heard something. He could've raped her." Murphy whispered, stroking my hair.

"He could've done worse. Stupid bastard. Poor Aidy, scared fucking shitless." Connor answered.

"Do y'think she'll be alright?" Murph sounded so concerned.

"She'll be better tomorrow, I'm sure, jus let'er sleep some of the shock off. I'm sure she'll be fine." Connor said hopefully. Sleep came over me. I heard nothing else.


	3. An Angel for the Saints

**Chapter 3: An Angel for the Saints**

It seemed like I'd only just fallen asleep when I shot up and looked at the clock. 11:35. Dried blood was crusted onto my forehead. Murph was still asleep. Connor was up, and there was coffee on the table. He looked like he hadn't slept at all since last night.

Last Night…goosebumps formed, it was like he was still there. I could still feel his breath on my neck.

"G'mornin" Connor said as I hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Y'feelin better?" I nodded as I put a hand onto the bump on my head. Connor looked at me, confused.

"He smashed my head against the wall." I explained

"Looks like he did a pretty good job at it too." Connor said as he brushed away my hair.

"We stayin here all day? Or are we goin' back to the apartment?" I asked him.

"I dunno yet." He looked at me, concerned. "Y'sure yer alright?"

"I'm fine Connor, I swear, D'ya want ta take me to the fuckin hospital?" I said sounding a bit annoyed, I hated when they worried about me.

"I think we should go back to the apartment, if it looks safe, we'll stay. We've got this room for another 2 days." I nodded. We both looked up as Murph gave a tremendous snore. I watched as Connor walked over to him and put his gun to Murphy's head. I choked down a laugh as Connor started yelling.

"GET UP! Right now! Don't move, or I'll kill'em!" Murphy shot up. He looked at the gun, then at Connor, then at me. And I burst out laughing.

"Since you're up, we're going to check the apartment. Oh! And we've got coffee!" Connor said, slightly smirking and trying so hard not to bust up laughing.

"The fuck was that for?" Murphy said a little irritated "You scared the bejesus outta me!"

"I dunno. But you shoulda seen the look on yer face! It was priceless!" Connor erupted into fits of laughter. I walked over to Murphy, giving him a hug and a kiss as well.

"I see your feeling better." He worry flashed through his eyes. My heart sank slightly.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I said, thinking of a way to change the subject. A hasty knock at the door distracted all our attention. Connor peeked through the hole, and quickly opened the door.

"Da!" Murphy exclaimed, jumping up from the bed, hugging him, like a little boy who's been waiting for his dad all day.

"'Lo boys, Aideen." He nodded to me.

"Wha's brought you out of hiding?" Connor asked what I'd been thinking.

"I decided to come and check on you three, make sure everything was alright, and the apartment's completely destroyed."

"Wha? How long ago were you there?" Murphy asked.

"Not more'n 15 minutes ago." And so, we were out the door, driving like mad to the apartment. I ran towards the door, Connor grabbed me.

"Stop, ya dun't know what's in there." Murphy opened the door, slowly. I rushed in. The place was torn apart. The table and chairs had been thrown across the room. The couch turned almost upside down, the TV had been thrown against the wall, and the dishes had been thrown against the walls, leaving glass everywhere.

"Lord in 'evan!" I heard Connor whisper as he entered behind me. The door to the bedroom was open. I ran in. Clothes lay everywhere, mattresses leaning up against the wall, cut open. Every single box had been dumped out. I picked up the box that had held pictures of the boys and I, and our families.

"Look 'it this." Murphy held up a picture of what had been the three of us at the Empire State Building when we went last year. All of our faces had been ripped out. It was the same for almost every picture that we had.

"Do you think this had anything to do with last night?" Connor asked.

"What about last night? What happened?" Da demanded. I explained it to him.

"That was no coincidence, keep your eyes open and your guns at hand." Having the twins' dad there was strange. We'd only met him 4 months ago, and our first encounter with him, he tried to shoot us. Mrs. McManus hadn't made him out to be the best person in the world.

"So where are we staying tonight? I'm not spending another night at the hotel. And there's no way in hell I'm staying here." I refused.

"I dunno, we'll figure something out, but for now, we've got to figure out who put the note on the door." Suddenly, it clicked…Smecker.

"Smecker!" I said quietly. Murphy's eyes shone brightly, it hurt me to look at his eyes for some reason. I felt dirty from last night, I felt unclean, I need forgiveness, I needed church. My vision blurred slightly, my legs felt so weak, and I could hear my heart pounding in my head. I could feel Connor behind me, his hands tight around my waist as my body gave out. The last thing I saw was Connor's eyes, filled with worry and fear. I heard whispers as I slowly regained consciousness. I heard Murphy's familiar hum, and Connor's quiet whispers.

"She'll be alright, I'm sure she'll be alright…." He started mumbling. I could imagine his head bent down in prayer. I opened my eyes, looking around, worried.

I saw Murphy and Connor to the right of me, sitting in chairs. I'd been right, Connor had his head down, his lips moving quickly, clutching his rosaries tightly. I opened my mouth to say something just as Murph's eyes locked onto mine.

"Aideen!" He almost yelled. Connor's head shot up instantly.

"Where am I? Where's Da?" I asked, my voice weak and delicate.

"Da's fine, he's fine, you're in the hospital." Connor said, placing his hand on mine. I noticed Murphy's leg bouncing. For being twins, Murphy and Connor were so different. Connor was the calmer one, so oblivious to everything around him. He had this special gift of tuning out the world when he wanted to. Connor was the big brother that you knew would always be there for you no matter what you do. Murphy on the other hand was the ball of energy. You could often catch him bouncing a leg or repeatedly running a hand through his hair. He was the more attentive one, the more perceptive one. You didn't have to act around Murphy, he could see through any disguise you put up.

"The hospital? What the fuck am I in the hospital for?" I said, getting nervous, I always hated hospitals.

"Aideen, calm down, you're getting out soon, the doctors have gone to fill out the paper work." Murphy placed a hand on my arm. I sighed, looking at them both.

"Don't worry boys, I'll be fine…I'll be _fine_!" I said cheerily, trying to take the sadness out of their eyes.

"We'll always worry. You're family, and well…. we love you. It scared us, tha's all…" Murphy said as a doctor came into the room.

"Oh good, I see you're awake. Everything looks okay. You've got no internal bleeding and no concussions. So you're free to leave." He said, shaking Murphy's and Connor's hand, who thanked him profusely.

I ripped the I.V. out of my arm as soon as the doctor left the room, not bothering to stop the small trickle of blood. Connor handed me clothes.

"Grabbed'em from the house."

I threw on my favorite shirt, it was a vintage looking gray one with the leprechaun from Lucky Charms on it and a pair of my slightly ripped up jeans, along with a hoodie that I'd stolen from one of the boys years ago. It was an awkward silence as I slipped my feet into my work boots, worn from years of constant work and motion. I checked my head in the mirror. The swelling had gone down, but it'd left a nice bruise. I quickly let down my brown hair, trying to hide the bump beneath it.

"Where's my….." I trailed off. I felt strange and naked with out my guns and my knife. I'd grown strangely attached to them over the months. Quickly Murphy passed me my effects and we were off.


	4. The Trip to Smecker

**Chapter Four: The Trip to Smecker.**

It had to have been 2 o'clock at least.

"Are we goin?" I asked suddenly as the boys and I walked along.

"Going where?" Connor asked.

"To see Smecker, dumbass."

"I dunno, don't you think you should relax for a while?" He said, his eyes taking a brotherly tone.

"I can relax when I'm dead." I said shrugging as I heard Connor sigh. I knew he was worried, I knew both of them were, but I ignored it, figuring it would pass with time. We walked in silence on the path to the police station.

"Would you stop biting!" Murphy exclaimed for the fourth time now. I looked at him, my fingernail still in my mouth.

"You know it's a habit." I protested. I felt like we were 6 again. I'd adopt some of Murphy's restlessness over the years.

"Here…smoke…" he said, giving me a cigarette and a lighter. So I smoked. We came to the steps of the police station. I could almost see us before it'd all happened. Murphy and Connor in nothing but bloodied robes, me in my pajamas, and all three of us in untied boots, hobbling up the stairs to go confess self-defense. It seemed like it'd been years since it'd happened. We walked inside, not drawing much attention, except from Detectives Duffy and Dolly, who knew what we were up to. They immediately ushered us into the small interrogation room we'd been in last time.

"Is Agent Smecker here?" I asked hopefully.

"He's out for now, getting coffee, should be back soon, I'll send him in." Dolly said, shooting a glance at me. Then they left.

"What are we doing here? What if Smecker decides to arrest us?" Murphy said, sounding nervous.

"We'll find out now." Connor said as Smecker waltzed into the room.

"Long time no see, what brings you guys here?" he said, eyeing the bump. Slowly, we explained the night's events.

"So you want to know if I put the note on your door." He hadn't lost his touch. We nodded.

"Wish it was, but sorry, no, I've been in Philly for the past 2 weeks. I just got back this morning." He said, my frustration mounted.

"What the fuck!" I sighed, standing up suddenly.

"Aideen calm the fuck down!" Connor said, picking up the chair that I'd knocked over.

"Calm down? How do you expect me to calm down? There are people out for us, they know where we live, they've got our pictures!" I yelled at him.

"Calm the fuck down! Listen to me! It'll be alright! Take a deep fucking breath. We're here. You know Murph and I wouldn't let you get hurt. Now chill out." We sat down again.

"Listen, while you're here, I need to ask you a favor, there's this hot-shot drug dealer known as Maulfino. We've been trying to get him for years now, but he always disappears on us. We've got his address, and I need you three to take him out." We looked at each other, deciding instantly.

"Sure, we'll do it." Murphy replied for us.

"Good, but take care, he's not going to give up with out a fight." Smecker said, handing me his address. We said our good-byes and headed for Rocco's old apartment.

His death was the only reason we kept on doing this. His last words were still echoing around in my head. That scene still haunted me. I could remember it so clearly. Papa Joe opened the door again, a determined look set on his face. Connor, Murph and I knew what he'd come to do. Murph struggled to free himself as Connor gave a blood-curdling cry. I sat there, speechless, wanted to yell along with Connor, but I found no words to fill the shock. That shot…it replayed over and over in my head. Murphy fought with the bounds, eventually dropping himself next to Rocco. I could hear him gasping for his last breaths.

"Don't stop….you guys get outta here….Don't.. ever… stop…." He managed, and then he was gone. A rage filled all of us. Connor started screaming his head off, Murphy just laid there in disbelief, eyes wide in shock, and I was moving around now, vowing over and over again that I was going to kill them. I wanted to make them suffer. I wanted them to pay. I secretly swore never to stop until every single sinner was dead, or at least until we were. I sat in Roc's empty apartment, deep in thought, wondering how far we would take this. And in my heart, I knew, we wouldn't stop, until one of us was dead.

"I'm going for a walk," Murphy said. It didn't bother us anymore, Murphy always liked to take walks, even when he was little, he'd always go and take a walk, he liked the time to himself, to clear his head and let himself go. I stood, pacing, trying to calm the mixed emotions I had inside…. Wasn't this God's will? Was murdering okay if it was for him? Did killing these sinners make us, in turn, sinners as well? I felt Connor's arms wrap around me, holding me. I rested my head on his shoulder. Synchronizing my breathing with his. I turned to face him, putting my hands on his shoulders as I stared into his eyes. I reached up and ruffled his hair, smiling slightly.

"You know, you _can_ stay here while we do this…. I think it'd be best if you did." Connor said softly. Anger filled me so quickly. How could Connor say something like that? I wasn't 7 anymore. I didn't need a baby-sitter. I knew they would do this to me, I knew they would baby me now.

"What? Connor, I'm not a fucking kid anymore; I'm 27 for fuck's sake! Thanks for the concern, but I'm fine, now stop trying to act like my father!" I yelled at him.

I could feel a fight coming on, and it was going to be a big one.

"I'm fucking sorry if I worry about you! I not trying to be your father…I'm trying to make sure that you're not the next fucking one in a body bag! But fine, fuck it! If you think you can survive with out Murph and I, then go, there's the fucking door!" He screamed, standing an inch from my face, his hand still pointing at the door.

"Fuck you Connor…" was all I could say as I grabbed my jacket from the back of the chair and walked out. He didn't try to stop me, and I didn't want him to.  
"I'm not a little kid anymore." Was all I kept mumbling as I made my way outside. I sat on the curb, smoking a few cigarettes, half expecting Connor to come running out of the building, his jacket not all the way on, an unlit cigarette in his hand, calling my name and looking around for me. He didn't come, and I didn't care. I sat there for at least 20 minutes before I saw Murphy come strolling back up to the door. He gave me a quick look of confusion, then letting me be as he realized I'd gotten into a fight with Connor. I finished my cigarette and went inside, not really knowing what to say, just figuring Connor would be cooled off by now. The door was slightly open and I could hear the boys talking, I paused outside the door, just listening and making sure I should go back inside.

"Murph — she's not invincible, you know it. And she can't do this on her own. She'll be the next murder we see on the news, I don't want that." I heard Connor say in a hushed tone.

"Aideen's stubborn, yes, but she's not stupid. The girl can fend for herself, if need be. I'm just saying, let her be for a while. She doesn't need us to protect her all the time. Lord knows we can try, but we can't protect her forever." Murphy said slowly, there was a break. I took a deep breath as I pushed open the door. The boys stopped their conversation as I walked in. Connor came up and kissed my forehead. The boys and I never liked to apologize, nor did we like to accept apologies, but I knew I was forgiven.

"Aideen, I think Connor's right, you don't have to stay if you don't want to, but given today's hospital stare, I think you'd be better off just staying here while we do this." Murphy said quietly, taking a few steps towards me. I looked at him, and then at Connor, not sure what to say, since they ganged up on me, yet again. I had no choice.

"Fine, fuck it, you guys aren't going to give it a fucking rest. So fine, I'll be the housewife." I said sitting down with a sigh of defeat. The boys smiled, each of them kissing the top of my head.

"Atta girl. Now, you know not to talk to strangers right?" Murphy teased me. I turned around, giving him a soft punch to the stomach. And before I knew it, the boys and I were rolling around on the floor, wrestling and giggling like we'd done when we were little. Playing was our solution as kids, we would dive into this imaginary world when we were younger, because in that world, there was no evil, there was no need for Saints and Sinners, and everything was perfect. But we'd grown up and realized that we couldn't hide forever and eventually, we would have to face the monsters under our bed.


	5. Familia

**Chapter 5: ****Familia**

Italics are thoughts

Bold and Italics are lyrics

The boys had been gone for almost 3 hours. I drank to ward off my mother-like worry. I hated being away from them, the silence thickened as I thought of Murphy and Connor. We'd been inseparable since I was practically born. We had all the same classes until we graduated. I told these boys almost everything, they knew my whole entire thought process, and vise versa. Sure, Connor and Murphy were a bit closer to each other, but what twins aren't? We fought for each other, coming home bruised and bloody because someone had started with one of the others. We'd all bled enough for each other to be considered family. Emotions exploded inside of me. I lit up another cigarette, my 10th in half-an-hour, to ease the anxious worry that was slowly mounting on my shoulders.

_What's taking so long?_ I shot another glance at the clock.

They're fine… 

_No…something's wrong…I need to find them…_

_Stay here, they'll be back any minute, they probably went to have a drink_

_Not without me…they're in some deep shit…_

_What will they do when they come here to find the place empty?_

_Well it'd serve them right for leaving me behind._

I felt so helpless just sitting there in a tank top and a pair of Murphy's pajama pants, just waiting. I put my head down on the table, shutting my eyes and letting memories of the boys and I flood my brain. I could remember being 15 and spending the endless summer days at the nearest lake, swimming and laughing, spending the warm summer nights in an open field, staring at the stars as we talked for hours about nothing and everything.

"Do ya think we'll always be together?" I remember Murphy asked, not taking his innocent blue eyes from the sparkling stars. Connor looked at us, unfolding his hands from behind his head.

"Of course, don't be stupid. We're family, nothin' comes between family."

I could remember the hundreds of fights we'd all gotten in for each other. There were some that two of us fought. I remember Connor going through so many girlfriends, all of them eventually getting tired of Connor putting me first. Murphy never dated like Connor, he had had a few girlfriends, nothing ever too serious though. We were stuck with each other, and we wouldn't have it any other way…

The door smashed open with a band. My head flew up as my fears became real. Murphy limped in, his movements slowed by the weight of Connor, who wasn't moving. My heart pounded as I helped bring Connor into the bedroom and lay him down. There was no way he could still be alive. Blood was everywhere. It had soaked Connor's shirt, turning it a deep crimson, it had covered his face too. It was then that I noticed the 4 holes in his shirt, bullet holes…I noticed the slow rise and fall of his chest. I turned to Murphy, who was staring at his brother's motionless body. Murphy looked at me, tears starting to run down his cheeks. This was worse then I thought. Instinctively I ripped open Connor's sopping shirt, looking for anything to help stop the bleeding. Murphy handed me a dishrag, and I heard the water running. Murphy started trying to clean the drying blood off of Connor. We sat there, well into the night cleaning and bandaging Connor, neither of us saying a word other then the occasional prayer. It was 2 in the morning before we stopped. I looked at Connor, who's face looked like hell. His lip was swollen on the left side, a trail of blood had dried there, his eye was swelling slightly too. His entire face was covered in blood, a solid mixture of his own and Connor's.

He let me clean him up a bit as we sat by Connor, neither of daring to leave, for fear something might happen. He looked at me, his blue eyes held pain and suffering, where there had once been wonder and love.

"What happened?" He said nothing, but still didn't take his eyes off mine.

"Murphy…tell me…" I begged.

"We got to his house, and waited, the wife left, and the kids. We got in alright, but he was waiting…it was a fucking ambush. They…they were everywhere. We thought we'd gotten them all…. but one wasn't dead…. and the next thing I know, Connor's pushing me out of the way…" Murphy said, giving a guilty look at Connor as he tried to fight back the tears.

"Get some rest, dear, I'll watch him." I whispered as I held him.

"But—"He started. I held a finger to his lips.

"If anything happens, I'll let you know. Good…or bad…" I promised, Murphy nodded as he made his way to the raggedy couch. And soon, I could hear him breathing softly. I sat there in silence, watching Connor, praying every now and again for him to make it through, for my sake, and even more for Murphy's sake. Lyrics suddenly sprang into my head. Roc used to listen to it a lot. I searched for the tape and played it softly.

_**Ever since I was young**_

_**Your word is the word that always won.**_

_**Worry and wake the ones you love.**_

_**A phone call I'd rather not receive.**_

_**Please use my body while I sleep.**_

_**My lungs are fresh and yours to keep.**_

_**Kept clean and they will let you breathe.**_

I thought about being the Saints, and I was tired of it. I didn't want this anymore. It had gone too far. It had gotten to dangerous now. There was too much at risk.

_**Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?**_

_**I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind.**_

I jumped slightly as Connor gave a small gasp. Guilt overpowered me.

"I'm sorry…I shulda been there…" I whispered as I clasped onto his hand. Murph and Connor were my whole world. I prayed, hard. Desperately hoping that Connor would pull through.

_**Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,**_

_**So I sat alone and waited out the night.**_

_**The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed.**_

_**So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around.**_

_**I'm not writing my goodbyes.**_

"God…. please…I'll do anything, I'll quit smoking, I'll go to church more…anything…let'im pull through." I cried to no one. My tears fell onto his hand.

_**I submit no excuse.**_

_**If this is what I have to do I owe you every day I wake.**_

_**If I could I would shrink myself.**_

Sink through your skin to your blood cells 

_**Remove whatever makes you hurt…**_

…_**But I am too weak to be your cure.**_

I heard Murphy by the door. He was braced against the doorframe. I looked up at him, wiping my eyes.

"I don't want to lose him…" I said as he dropped to the floor next to me. I collapsed into his arms. He didn't say anything, just looked at Connor.

"Connor won't go…he's too stubborn to…" He said.

_**I'm not letting you check out.**_

_**You will beat this starting now and you will always be around.**_

_**I'm there to monitor your breathing,**_

_**I will watch you while you're sleeping.**_

_**I will keep you safe and sound.**_

_**Does anybody remember back when you were very young.**_

_**Did you ever think that you would be this blessed?**_

We sat there, quietly. I was running my hand gently through his hair, humming one of his favorite Irish songs. Murphy was hurting inside; I knew he was. He very rarely showed anything he was feeling. But if you looked hard enough into his blue eyes, you could see the pain, and the guilt and the fear he was hiding inside himself. Murphy didn't say a word; he just looked at Connor, battling with himself to keep calm. I knew Murphy would talk if he wanted to. We sat there most of the night, just listening to awkward silence loom in the apartment. I yawned as I looked at the clock. 4:54 am. I stretched as I sat on the floor. It's almost like I was scared to move, I hadn't left this spot all night.

"Go get some sleep…. you look exhausted." Murphy said. I glanced at Connor, who hadn't improved or declined tonight.

"I suppose a quick nap won't hurt…. you'll wake me if anything happens?" He nodded. I wasn't tired in the least bit, but I knew Murphy wanted time alone, to cry and pray for Connor. So I let him lead me onto the couch, and cover me with a blanket. He went to go back to Connor and I grabbed his arm.

"When you're done, can you come and lay with me for a bit." I wanted to cringe, I sounded like a child who was scared of the dark. Murphy flashed a smile and nodded. I lay there, desperately wanting this to be a dream. But this was real…. Connor was in the other room, fighting with himself to live or die. I wasn't there to keep them safe…. I felt like a failure. I shut my eyes, hoping for sleep to overwhelm me and let me escape this, even for a little while. I felt the blanket move, and new warmth next to me. I didn't need to open my eyes, it was Murphy, I knew it. I felt his soft lips on my forehead as he wrapped his arms around me. He knew I was awake. Murphy didn't have to guess.

"I love you so much, little fire." He whispered. Little fire…that was what my name meant in Gaelic, and it fit me perfectly. Connor's and Murphy's fit them too. Connor's meaning "Strong willed" which was an amazing match because Connor was the most stubborn man I've ever known, and Murphy's meant "sea warrior" which doesn't really fit anyone, but still…it's a cool name….

"I love you too, my warrior" I said quietly. I looked up at him. His eyes were full of emotions. It killed me to know that I couldn't magically make Connor better. Murphy felt naked without Connor who was his protector, his best friend. I knew I couldn't do anything to fill that void, and I didn't want to try.

"Rien ne vient entre la famille" I said, he smiled a bit, holding me tightly. And we laid like that, until sleep drifted over us, and we were free from worry and fear.

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The Lyrics are "Guernica" by Brand New

the english translation of "Rien ne vient entre la famille" is "nothing comes between family"


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